Three: The Beginning of the End
by AlyssC01
Summary: Dr. Chakwas witnesses three defining moments in FemShep's life which plays a part in moulding her into the legend she becomes. Colonist/SoleSurvivor. Liara/Femshep in Chapter 3. warning for rape mention.
1. Chapter 1

_TITLE: __Three_

_AUTHOR: AlyssC01 – Alyssa C. _

_CATEGORY: Drama_

_PAIRINGS: FemShep/Liara_

_SPOILERS: Start of Mass Effect 2, Shepard history. _

_RATING: T_

_WARNINGS: Mention of rape, personal suffering. _

_FEEDBACK: ;) Naturally – that's why we're here aren't we? _

_DISCLAIMER:__ Mass Effect is the property of BioWare and EA Games. Save for the copies on my computer and PS3, that's totally my own creation. I do not make any money out of this, though rewards through reviews would be appreciated. I do not intend any harm by writing these fics. _

_AN and SUMMARY__: I'm playing Mass Effect 2 at the moment and __had__ to get this out of my system. I'm very fond of Chakwas. I'm working on the reasoning that she was getting close to retirement by the start of Mass Effect 2 – one of the reasons they gave her a desk job when Shepard died. By my standards, this will be a short fic – giving you three glimpses into what has shaped my Shepard. I play Soldier/Paragon/Colonist/Sole Survivor (this time round…). My Mass Effect 1's a bit rusty so if there are any discrepancies I claim author's immunity. _

**3**

'This_ is the last one,'_ she found herself thinking. _'Right after this mission, as in _right_ after it – I'm going to resign from the military and open my own practice. I've done my duty, I'm done here…' _

Of course, it was never that easy or simple.

Sitting in the stale smelling transporter, Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas listened to the sounds of battle outside as she had so many times before. The truth was that she never knew any other life than this and, although it had not turned out to be filled with all the glory and the heroics that she had thought she would find when she enlisted, it was a good life.

She saved lives, _many_ lives who threw themselves into danger for the sake of others. It was a noble cause and calling to be a soldier so she always found an excuse to stay behind. But, sometimes that got to her as she listened to the very same lives she had saved destroyed by enemy fire.

Today was no exception.

A couple of hours ago the colony of Mindoir, a small settlement in the Attican terminus send out a distress signal saying that they were being attacked by slavers. The SSV Hastings responded as soon as they heard the distress call but they all knew that they were going to be too late. In the time it took them to get to the planet the slavers had managed to escape with most of the colonists and butcher the rest. The soldiers went to save whom and what they could but Elizabeth knew it was going to be grim.

She had been instructed by Captain Anderson to remain at the transporter until they were sure the area was secured. Then, she and her assistant Lieutenant Michaels were to take control of the medical care of the survivors.

'_Or remainders,'_ Elizabeth found herself thinking dryly as she looked at her assistant. His face was determined as he looked out of the door of the transporter. She saw his eyes following something and stood up to see what he was looking at. A lone ship under heavy fire left orbit, leaving a thin trail of white smoke in its wake.

"That's the last of them," she heard Captain Anderson say over the radio. "Medical team, move out! We have secured the colony medical facility for your use. It's one of the few places still standing. Coordinates will be sent in the next couple of seconds."

'_It starts,'_ she thought already mentally mapping out her triage program and preparing herself for what she was about to see. "Affirmative Anderson," she glanced at her assistant. "Let's move out."

888

The colony's medical facility was rudimentary at best and not for the first time Elizabeth wondered what drove these humans to stay out here in the desolate areas of space. And this wasn't even the _furthest_ colony. Technically this still fell in Alliance space – there were some settlements out there that were well outside the territories she had been in.

And she had traveled quite far in her almost twenty years of service.

She and Michaels triaged the few survivors, but there were depressingly few people left to treat as those who weren't deemed worthy for slave labor were gunned down and killed brutally. She ended up treating more of the soldiers that had gotten injured in the fight than the settlers.

These people's plight touched Elizabeth deeper than the plight of soldiers did because they didn't choose to have violence in their lives.

She was just finishing up with a particularly nasty gunshot would when a soldier joined her in the infirmary, his face grave.

"Dr. Chakwas," he said gravely, "could you come with me please?"

She didn't look up from the wound she was cleaning, feeling a flash of irritation that she was being interrupted even though she could see that her assistant was just finishing up with his patient.

"If it has escaped your notice," she said. "I am currently engaged. Ask Michaels to help you – he has a moment."

The soldier, a Private Enslin, shifted uncomfortably but didn't move. "It would be better if you accompany me Dr. Chakwas," he said. "Please, Lieutenant Michaels is not the best choice under the circumstances."

Her colleague, having sensed that something was up, joined her immediately, wordlessly stepping closer so that he could take over if she moved away. Elizabeth looked at the private and took a steadying breath. The fact that he wanted her and not her male colleague gave her a pretty clear picture of what she was going to encounter.

888

Ten minutes later they were trotting briskly to one of the furthest buildings of the settlement. Knowing that they had a specific goal in mind she ignored the destruction around her and rather focused on the private.

"What can I expect?" she queried Private Enslin who grimaced and motioned to a small storeroom ahead of them.

"We wouldn't have looked in there," he said. "But I had this feeling…" He trailed off and sighed. "She's still alive."

Her stomach turned and she didn't want to hear anymore.

The door was open and another soldier, a Lieutenant Mahalma was standing in the doorway, looking at the scene that she was dreading. He stepped back wordlessly when she pushed past him into the din of the storeroom. The first thing that she noticed was the body on the floor.

The slaver was lying on his side in a pool of blood with what looked like an ancient trimming blade in his neck. His lifeless eyes were staring at the teenager against the wall. Her green eyes were almost as lifeless as his, only the slight movement of her breathing giving her life. She couldn't have been more than sixteen, lithe in her youth with long red hair that now hug loose over her shoulders. She had her one hand pressed between her naked thighs and the other hooked around the torn pants tangled around her ankles as if she had tried and failed to pull them back up.

Elizabeth moved forward cautiously, keeping an eye on her hands to see if she had any other weapons close at hand. There was nothing and the youth didn't even acknowledge her presence as she slowly hunched down next to her. After some thought, Elizabeth moved in between the youth and the body, obstructing its view as she tried to meet her gaze.

"My name is Elizabeth Chakwas," she said softly. "I'm with the Alliance – we're here to help you."

It sounded weak even as she said it but then she suspected that the colonist didn't even hear her. "Who are you?"

When the young woman still didn't respond Elizabeth slowly dropped her hand to her wrist. "Let's get this sorted out," she said softly and first applied some pressure so that she could check her pulse. It was surprisingly slow and for a moment Elizabeth wondered if she had entered some kind of catatonia. Grimacing she carefully pulled the youth's hand away from her tangled pants and slowly undid the mess it was in, untangling her leggings from around her ankles and pulling it up to her knees. There she saw for the first time that blood was slowly trailing down her inner thigh from around her left hand.

"Let me have a look at this," she murmured softly and carefully took the teenager's hand from between her legs. There for the first time she flinched and looked up, her emerald eyes raw with emotion when they met Elizabeth's gaze. The doctor smiled reassuringly and pulled her hand closer, studying the jagged cut in her palm. She spared a look behind her at the blade in the slaver's neck and wondered whether she got the cut when she stabbed him. With this image in mind she could suddenly feel the youth's raw fear left over from the struggle. Keeping her face neutral she closed the hand again and rested it against the colonist's shoulder above her heart.

"Keep it there," she said softly, "it will control the bleeding. Are you cut or shot anywhere else?"

Those green eyes held hers for a second longer before the youth closed her eyes and shook her head. She moved suddenly, her face pulling in anguish as she pushed herself up. Elizabeth quickly put an arm underneath her shoulder, catching her pants with the other and pulling it over her thin and bloodied legs even as the youth staggered forward.

"Maybe you should stay down for a moment longer," she said and looked towards the door where the soldiers were watching them, their expressions worried. "Can one of you gentleman get me a stretcher?"

"Wait," the youth breathed suddenly. "Just wait. Let me go."

Her voice was a dull whisper but the plea in them unmistakable. Elizabeth frowned at her as she felt her pull away from her. "What's your name?" she queried, letting her go but keeping a watchful eye on her as she knelt down again next to the body of the slaver.

"Riana," the teenager breathed and with a shaky hand reached out and carefully closed the slaver's eyes, the blood from her hand smearing over his face. "Riana Shepard."

888

It was well past midnight when Elizabeth finally found herself with nothing to do. Bone weary she walked through the now quiet streets of the attacked colony, looking at the burned down universal 'quick assemble' bunkers that these people called home. She herself had grown up on Earth during a time that humanity foolishly thought it was the only intelligent life in the universe.

'_Life was different then,'_ she thought as she nodded at a passing soldier who was still out patrolling in case the slavers decided to return. _'Slower. Space travel sped everything up. Our lives, our knowledge. Life's too fast for us now.' _

And yet one rape victim took the time to close her assailant's eyes after she killed him.

The young woman had touched her. She had been quietly cooperative when they left the storeroom, had silently endured her examination and treatment with no word of complaint or anger. Elizabeth knew that she was in shock but it still struck her as extraordinary that Riana Shepard kept her pose as well as she did. There was something locked in those green eyes that were distinctly different than everybody around her and she couldn't help but fear that this day might destroy that.

When she had cleared her head she returned to the medical facility, moving down the long line of empty beds in the area they had set aside for the patients that never made it there. Only a handful of survivors had surfaced though two of them might not make it through the night and the other two were out wondering amidst the ruins under the supervision of some of their soldiers. They were looking for any more survivors or any people who might've gone missing. Now, Riana was the only one in the bay – her friends and family still missing.

'_Missing?'_ Elizabeth thought bitterly. _'Butchered probably. Or taken.'_ She didn't know which fate was worse.

To her surprise, Riana was still awake. She had the light on and was in the bed on the furthest side of the room with her back turned towards the wall. Her eyes immediately rested on Elizabeth as she walked towards her and she tensed as if she was thinking of bolting. It was only when the doctor was close to her that she relaxed a little.

Elizabeth cautiously sat down on the edge of the bed and studied the traumatized youth.

"Hey," she said softly. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Riana considered her for a long time before she finally shook her head and turned her gaze on the curtain.

"Not now," she said. "I'm… they might come back."

Frowning slightly, Elizabeth resisted the urge to caress the youth's hair. "Who?" she said. "The slavers?"

Riana flinched but shook her head, her face twisting with a grief she was trying very hard to hide. "No," she said. "Anybody. My family. Friends. Somebody. Somebody must be out there alive. I can't…" She closed her eyes and buried her face into the pillow. "I can't be all that's left."

Hesitating, Elizabeth carefully dropped her hand to the young woman's shoulder. "There are some people out looking," she said. "They might come up with something."

Riana snorted a pained laugh and shook her head. "Barras and Aron?" she said. "They are passers, they've only been here a week or two. They're probably raiding us dry. Those men…" She trailed off and for a moment Elizabeth wasn't sure if it was pain or anger that stayed her tongue.

She sat with the young woman in silence for a few moments before she finally got off of the bed and knelt before her, taking her bandaged hand in hers and giving it a soft squeeze, gentle enough not to hurt her.

"Riana… Not all men are like that – like this Barras and Aron… And the others. Not all… Makes use of other people's misfortune." She wanted to say more, feeling the need pressed upon her to tell this youth that all will be well, that there might still be a reason to hold onto her innocence even in the face of such a grim day.

Riana's emerald green eyes moved up to meet hers and she looked sad suddenly and older than the world.

"I know," she said. "Doesn't necessarily mean that I will ever let one touch me again." She turned her gaze away and looked across the dark room. "He died inside me," she whispered. "Do you think that means his soul has passed into me? That he will forever be here?" She placed her uninjured hand over her heart.

Elizabeth shook her head immediately, shocked at the image and once again horrified by the violation this young woman had had to endure.

"He's gone," she said with conviction. "Riana, that man is dead and what he did to you won't change you into him. You are hurt now, but pain heals. Not all of it immediately, but with time. Trust me, I'm a doctor and everything short of death can be healed. Remember this. It will get better, not now or tomorrow or even the next day. But, eventually – it will get better."

For the first time, she could see the walls around Riana's cool exterior begin to crumble as she closed her eyes with the same look of anguish she had had in the storeroom for that brief second.

"How?" she whispered, her voice thinning to a sob. "How will this get better? How?" Tears started streaming down her face and, when Elizabeth stood up again to sit on the bed she cowered away from her, sobbing softly.

"Time," Elizabeth said as she pulled her into her arms, holding her securely for all the teenager's protest. "Time Riana Shepard, time will heal."

888

_To Be Continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

_The weight on her shoulders was almost unbearable, pushing down on her cracked ribs, squeezing every desperate breath from her body. Sweat and blood ran a trail into her eyes, stinging them and making her almost blind. But, she ran. She ran, despite the fire burning in her legs or consuming her lungs for air. She ran and when she fell, she shifted her precious burden, whispered words of apology and pushed herself up again. _

"_Hold on Borias," she said as she gripped the legs around her body tighter. "We are almost there, just hold on. Don't worry – we'll make. We'll both make it." _

_The arm around her shoulder was lifeless and cold but she didn't see it. They were going to make it, both of them. She wasn't going to be the only one left again... _

_Not again. _

888

'_The next time we're in port, I am resigning,'_ Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas found herself thinking as she stared at the grainy picture in front of her. _'Alex has found me a lovely spot in London where I can open my practice. There is nothing remotely like _that_ in London. Closest thing to that in London is the Victoria Tube line...' _

Maybe it was because she couldn't deal with the sight of about twenty Marines losing their lives in a matter of seconds that she focused on the creature. It was easier to focus on than on the screams and terror from the men around them. When the video stopped she turned to Anderson.

"And this is all that they found on Sergeant Wiitt's body?" she queried to which the older man nodded gravely. "Will he… The body be taken to my Med bay? I would like to perform an autopsy."

Again, Anderson nodded. "My men are bringing him back to the landing site as we speak," he pointed out – also addressing Navigator Pressley who was present. "The rest of the data from his omni-tool is still being uploaded. I have ordered them not to venture out too far. I do not want to risk any more lives on this planet. Those… things could clearly not be defeated."

_Things. Monsters. Thresher maw._

"_I guess this also explained what happened to the colonists," she said slowly, trying to push away the image of a young, starting settlement encountering such a creature. "What now Commander?" _

_Anderson's face was tight as he stepped back_ from the console. "I will report in with the Alliance," he said. "Contact the Council and see if they can assist us with this or just give us any kind of information on these creatures. It's no use that they tell us we can colonise which ever planets that we want and not warn us of the danger."

Pressley stepped forward, his grey eyes searching. "Commander," he said slowly, "what of the other survivors? Shouldn't we at least try to find them?"

Chakwas frowned at the navigator. "Didn't Wiitt's last transmission say that he was the only one left?"

"Yes," Anderson said simply. "This is hard Pressley but we can't risk any more lives. We saw that their ship had been destroyed and scans show that it might possibly be right in a hot zone for these creatures. I'm not risking any more men."

There was a beep from the communication system and Anderson immediately answered it. "Are you at the landing site Sergeant?"

"Yes sir," came the crisp and brief reply. "Awaiting further orders sir."

"Come home Sergeant Dawkins," Anderson said immediately. "And bring all your men, we're moving out."

"Affirmative," the man replied, the relief in his voice telling Chakwas that he too had seen the footage of the dying soldiers. She was happy for them, but couldn't help but feel a touch of bitterness that they were going to leave their people behind. There was no use sacrificing the living for the dead, but there was still going to be almost fifty families who would never have anybody to bury.

She was about to turn away and to back to the infirmary when Sergeant Dawkins came online again.

"Sir!" he said. "Sir, there are two more coming!"

Anderson's reply was quick and tight. "Thresher Maws?" he queried but the sergeant answered immediately.

"No sir," he said. "Survivors."

888

She stepped out of the undergrowth, took two steps before she collapsed to her knees. The weight on her back threatened to throw her forward on her face but she let go of her grip on her fellow marine's legs and steadied herself. Pain shot up her arm but she ignored it as she looked at the men running towards them.

"We made it Borias," she breathed and coughed unsure of whether she should cry or laugh from relief. "We did it, we made it. Look… I told you they'd be here."

"We need a medic!" One soldier shouted, his eyes scanning the area for any threat or more survivors. "Private, are there more coming?"

She stared at him stupidly, trying to force words into her mouth. When they didn't come, she tried to stand up but found that she couldn't move. When he reached her he first turned to Borias, pulling him from her back where he had still been pressing against her. He did not grunt as he fell to the ground, making only a strange dull sound of flesh hitting fresh earth.

The sound jerked her awake and she managed choke out. "Help him," she said, her breathing worse than it had been as she coughed. "He's bad. Help him."

The soldier waved his omni-tool over her fellow marine, his face strained when he turned to her. "He's dead Private," he said. "We have to go." He moved to pull her up but she pushed him away, anger burning through her relief.

"He's not dead!" She snapped and managed to find the strength to move. "Help him! Leave me and help him! Captain!" She tried to move towards him but the soldier grabbed her and pulled her back.

"He's dead!" he said again. "Pull yourself together Private, Sanders! Come and help me!" Another man joined them, grabbing her by her legs as she tried to kick out to his companion. The anger in her burned deep and bright, giving her strength to fight back. She didn't come all this way to be alone, she didn't bring him along only to leave him.

He will make it, she _promised_ him.

"Let go!" she hollered as she managed to pull her legs out of the soldier's grasp. Loose, she moved quickly and efficiently, twisting in the other soldier's grasp so that she could grab his leg and pull it out from beneath him. He fell, dragging her down with him but she recovered quicker than he did and rolled away from him. Her chest was on fire but it was nothing like the fire that burned in her when she looked at Borias. He was still staring at her, his eyes begging her to get these men to help him.

"She's mad!" She heard someone shout and seconds later as she was grabbed again. "We have to get her out of here! Stop struggling Private!"

"No!" She hollered. "HELP HIM! YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIM!"

The grip around her chest tightened, feeling as if it was squeezing all of the life out of her. "I'm sorry kiddo…" her assailant whispered and seconds later, a white pain exploded in her head. She did not lose consciousness immediately, but felt the strength leave her body and the fire die.

"No," she whispered as her grip on consciousness slipped. "Please… no."

The harsh arms picked her up, cradling her like a child.

"I'm sorry," the soldier said again. "I'm really sorry."

She did not hear him, but could still feel Captian Oynas Borias' eyes on her, blaming her.

888

_Shepard._

_Riana Shepard._

She remembered her, the teenager who was only one of a few people to survive the slaver attack on Mindoir. The young woman who had taken the time to close her rapist eyes even though she had been the one to kill him.

_Shepard._ She will never forget the name again, not after what happened today.

She had not recognised her at first for she looked so different than she had on that fateful day three years ago. Her long red hair had been cut close to her head, giving her a young, boyish look. She was more muscled, but her face was gaunt, much more than it was in the picture the Alliance had of her on file. She was barely conscious when they brought her onto the ship, but the soldier who had retrieved her confessed that it was because he had tried to knock her out. She had tried to save her companion, a Captian Oynas Borias – one of the senior members of the team, insisting that he was still alive. Despite her injuries she had fought against them with a kind of wild madness. They had brought his body with them but it was clear that he had been dead for several hours at least. She took it as a sign of the trauma the private had to endure that she had not picked it up.

She had tried to save a dead man.

Feeling an unusual pang of pain, Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas slowly walked back into the infirmary where Shepard was lying. Her injuries had been severe. Her arm had been broken and burned by some kind of organic acid. She had several broken ribs and a punctured lung, a concussion from the blow the soldier had given her and more cuts and bruises than she had seen on anybody to date.

But, she was alive, which was more than they could say for the rest of her team.

_You really are a survivor,_ she thought as she stopped by the private's bed and brought up her log chart with her omni-tool to make sure her medics had checked on her when she was in her meeting with Anderson to discuss the autopsies she had done on Borias and Wiitt. Borias had died from massive internal bleeding, his body as crushed as Shepard's. Wiitt's injuries were more superficial, burned by the same acid that she had found on Shepard though he had taken a blast to the face and inhaled it. His death must've been agonizing.

_He deserved it,_ she found herself thinking but quickly stopped the thought. _All life is precious. All of it._ _And perhaps…_ She touched the young woman's broken body. _This life even more so…_

Despite her injuries, they had restrained Shepard to the bed, fearing that she might wake up as wild as she had been when they brought her from the planet. Her body could not endure more torture and it was a miracle that she had made it as far as she had. Her injuries were almost as old as Borias' – but she had been more mobile.

_Perhaps you would not have been injured at all if you weren't carrying him…_

At her touch, Shepard opened her eyes, their colour as vivid as Chakwas remembered. She stared at the doctor and blinked, her expression puzzled as she tried to figure out where she was. Chakwas waited for her to ask some kind of question but she only stared at her, her gaze unreadable. When she didn't say anything, Chakwas carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, mindful of the tubes and wires that ran from her patient. She wasn't sure whether the young woman would recognise her so she decided to play it safe and introduce herself.

"My name is Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas," she said softly. "You're on our ship, the SSV Hastings."

Riana blinked, clearly puzzled. "This is not Mindoir?" she asked, her voice dry as she tried to sit up. She froze and for a moment there was a flash of fear in her emerald eyes. "I can't move."

Chakwas blinked at the misunderstanding and then realized that the last time the young woman had seen her was in her home. She wasn't at all surprised that she was confused.

"No," she said and put a soothing hand on the private's shoulder. "Though, that was where you saw me last. I was on the team then that responded to the distress call. This very team actually." She paused, allowing Riana to process the news. "We just responded to your distress call on Akuze."

The young woman let out a slow breath, her face twisting with pain as she exhaled and closed her eyes. "Akuze," she said – breathing the name like a curse before she fell silent for several breaths. "Why am I restrained?"

She didn't sound nineteen and when she opened her eyes again to look at Chakwas, the doctor felt as if she was staring at an ancient and worn soul.

"You were… delusional when you came to us," she said. "I had you restrained to stop you from harming yourself when you woke up." When she saw the young woman frown she carried on quickly. "I'm not at all surprised. You were in incredible pain, your arm had an infection. I don't think you've eaten in days or drank as much as you should. Don't worry – I'll remove them momentarily."

Riana swallowed dryly and briefly glanced around the infirmary, her face pinching with worry before it went blank as she tried to control her emotions.

"I don't remember much," she confessed softly. "Only…" She hesitated. "Oynas? I mean… Captain Borias? Did he… I mean…"

Chakwas kept her face neutral as she shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "He had massive internal haemorrhaging. There was nothing you could've done."

As she had expected, the news hit Riana hard, though it didn't look as if it was a surprise. When she closed her eyes, tears leaked down her cheeks even though she was trying very hard to control her breathing, something which must've been excruciating with her broken ribs.

"I wasn't fast enough," she whispered. "If I had…"

Again, Chakwas shook her head. "There was nothing you could've done," she said again. "Trust me Riana – you did the best you could."

If the girl heard her, she didn't say but a few moments later she was asleep again, almost as if she fled to unconsciousness to avoid her stinging guilt. Chakwas sat with her for a long time, feeling a dull ache in her soul when she thought of the woman's predicament.

"You did more than your best," she said softly. "You brought him here. Anybody else would've left him. Wiitt actually did."

888

"_Wiitt was… gone when we woke up this morning. Left during the night on his shift. Probably doesn't want to be burdened by an injured captain and a green private. Shepard is furious, she wanted to go out and find him but I know it will be futile. He's gone as he should be…"_ The voice paused. _"I've told her to leave me, to do as he had and go. It has been more than a day and I still have no feeling in my legs. That blow… Like being hit by a squad of Krogans. I'm surprised she's managed to get him to bring me this far. I can't imagine how she'll do it on her own."_

Captain Borias' voice was tired and clearly pained. It sounded as if he had lost all hope, as if what he had seen had fundamentally shaken not only his faith in himself but the faith in his people. Yet, when he spoke of Riana , there was a touch of disbelief in his voice, a touch of awe. Chakwas had felt this that day when they found this young woman in the store room of Mindoir.

She sat back and sighed, looking over the infirmary from her private office. Or, the little corner that she could work in peace. It had been two days since they've left Akuze and the private had said almost nothing save what protocol required. She was still in the infirmary, her injuries healing slowly even though it seemed that her mind moved further and further away from them. Anderson had been there earlier, introducing himself and telling her how lucky she was to be with them but she had hardly seemed to hear him. She was gracious and polite but her eyes never changed, the guilt never left. She didn't sleep unless Chakwas sedated her and even then she woke up screaming. It was going to take more than soothing words to try and heal her this time but Chakwas knew that she had to start somewhere.

Coming to a decision she got up and went to lock the infirmary, presently making it off limits for anybody but herself. Then, she went to the young woman's bed, smiling when her green eyes briefly turned to her.

"Did Commander Anderson tell you that we are stopping at a colony tomorrow?" she queried.

Riana shifted, cradling her injured arm as she nodded briefly. "He did ma'am," she said softly. "I believe I am to be transferred to their care. And... Interrogated."

Elizabeth blinked surprised and shook her head. "Did he say that?" she queried. "No child, you won't be _interrogated._ Questioned certainly, but this was not your fault. They just want to understand what happened, they don't blame you."

She nodded but the tightness in her eyes spoke of a deeper pain than her injuries were responsible for. Chakwas carefully sat down on the bed beside her again, noticing how Riana stiffened almost instinctively then relaxed as she took control of her own emotions. She didn't like to be touched.

"And you shouldn't blame yourself," Chakwas continued in a softer tone. "Captain Borias certainly didn't."

Those emerald green eyes sharpened as Riana frowned at her. "How do you know?" she said sharply. "He died."

Chakwas smiled slightly and shook her head. "He told me," she said. "To a fashion."

"He died." Riana said again but Chakwas brought up her arm and activated her omni-tool.

"I want you to listen to something Riana," she said. "Commander Anderson feels that you should not hear this, but I feel that you should. And, as I'm the doctor – I know what's best."

Pulling away from her as best as she could, Riana's wild eyes met the doctor's as she activated a storage module on her omni-tool.

"_I didn't want her on my team at first,"_ the voice of the dead Captain filled the infirmary causing an already ashen Shepard to pale even further. He coughed, painfully and his voice was weak. This was the confessions of a dying man_. "Everybody knows what happened on Mindoir. It's in her profile... She is damaged goods, potentially unpredictable in the field."_ The man coughed again and was quiet for several moments, with the only audible thing his ragged breathing. _"In a way they were right." _

"Shut it off," Shepard whispered when Borias fell silent again. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Listen," Chakwas whispered softly and turned up the volume.

"_I could not have predicted that she would stay with me, that of all... she would be the last one left..." _Again there was a long pause as Borias fought for breath_. "The pain..."_ he muttered. _"The pain has long since stopped being unbearable. It has become a part of me..." _He coughed but sounded as if he pulled himself together. _"To whoever finds this, be it a week from now or a decade – I would like to tell you of Riana Shepard. We were attacked by a fierce enemy... a creature so frightening that I saw grown men shit themselves and run screaming... Only to be destroyed by the very thing they were fleeing from. I went down early in the fight but I survived though my injuries were severe..." _The man spoke in the past tense, as if he was already seeing himself as dead. _"Two of my soldiers stayed with me at first, Sergeant Crede Wiitt and Private Riana Shepard. Shepard insisted that they carry me between the two of them. She had managed to keep him with us for the first day but then he left. Don't blame the bastard; he had always been good at spotting poor odds when he saw them. I told her to leave me and fend for herself, but she refused to go. She is a wisp of a girl but she managed to put me on her back and carry me for whole day, without stopping, without complaining. When the monsters started to attack us again, she drew them away from me at great cost to herself. I don't know how badly they hurt her, but it's clear that she's suffering. Yet, she came back and carried me onwards again." _His voice became softer, fonder._ "She is sleeping now... In a way I hope she never wakes up because I know that tomorrow will bring even more challenges and pain for her. But, I hope with all my heart that she survives this. This force that is she, it should not be extinguished. Not here. I will not make it another day but I do not regret spending my last moments on this place here, with her. I am rambling. I have been so beaten and frightened the past couple of days that I have passed through the realms of sanity into... This place. Hell. But she is with me, and she did not abandon me. Humanity can be very proud of Riana Shepard." _

He trailed off as he started coughing; a terrible sound which told Chakwas that he too had suffered some broken ribs.

"_Captain_!" she heard Riana's voice in the background. _"Captain, captain sit up. Sit up, it's alright, just breathe..."_

"_I think... I think Riana, you can call me by my first name..."_

Feeling as if enough had been said, Chakwas shut off her omni-tool and looked up to see that the young woman was shaking in an effort not to cry. When Elizabeth looked at her she turned away and closed her eyes, strangling a sob even before it came out.

"There were other logs as well," she said softly. "Always when you were away. They speak of how you refused to abandon him, of how you disobeyed a direct order. You carried him for more than a day Riana, you could've let him go, but you didn't. Any other man would've done it. Heck, one man did. It must've been tempting but you didn't abandon him. Do you know what that says of your integrity? Of you? You gave this man peace in the direst circumstances. You showed loyalty even past death. You didn't lose yourself in the face of terrible odds. Borias died yes, but you were there for him until the end and beyond. Anderson says that you will receive a medal for this."

Her reaction was swift and her anger without equal.

"I DON'T WANT A MEDAL!"

Green eyes burned when they met Chakwas as Riana sat up and tried to move away from her. "I don't want a medal!" she said again and motioned to the rest of the infirmary. "I wanted to have someone with me! I didn't want to make it out on my own! I wanted to save that man and I couldn't! I can't do it!"

Chakwas kept her gaze steady as she looked at the young woman. "What can't you do?" she queried softy, seeing the trail of tears that were starting to leak down her face.

"I can't save people," Riana said bitterly. "I couldn't save my family, I couldn't save this man. I can't even save myself. I let the people closest to me die. I am cursed! I am cursed to be the only one left." She ended her sentence in sob that appeared to be very painful. When she tried to stop it, it only seemed to make things worse as she started coughing.

Chakwas steadied her despite the fact that she pulled away from her touch and then continued to hold onto the young woman, carefully rubbing her hand over her back.

"Sometimes saving people means more than just keeping them alive Riana," she said softly. "Trust me on this, I'm a doctor."

The anger than burned in the young woman was not yet quenched and she pulled away from Chakwas violently.

"You also said that time heals!" she snapped. "But I still hurt! I still dream of my family every night! Before this, I would still wake up with their names on my lips! I would still see their faces... See his..." Her face twisted. "You lied to me."

She almost smiled because for just a brief moment Riana did sound her age, even though her words were dire.

"Riana, not enough time has passed," she said. "You would not be human if you can shake what happened to your family from you back in less than three years. You are not a stone, or salarians who process their emotions so quickly they hardly have them. You are a passionate young woman, pained yes, but passionate. And it is that passion that drives you, that made you carry a dying man, a corpse over enemy terrain."

Riana gaped at her and seemed to sag inside herself as she laid back, her tears now freely running down her cheeks as she made no attempt to halt them or contain her grief.

"I want it to be over," she said. "I just want it all to be over. The nightmare, the pain, the memories. I don't want them. It's so unfair."

"Perhaps," the doctor said and put her hand on the young woman's cheek, gently caressing her face. "But you need them because they make you who you are Riana. They will carry you in your darkest hour. You understand loss better than anybody and that will help you to avoid it in the future. You will hesitate when taking a life as you understand the loss of one more than anybody. You are being moulded Riana, I can see this. Yes, it is painful, and it is unfair. But, life rarely is fair and we would not be worthy of it if we just whined about its injustice. Use its fire and its trials to make you into a better being."

Riana was silent for a very long time save for the soft sobs that escaped from her broken chest. As she had three years ago, Dr. Chakwas moved so that she could pull the young woman into her lap and cradle her head against her chest.

"I wanted to save him," she whispered. "I _so_ wanted to save him. I knew... I felt him die as I carried him. But... But I thought if I was quick enough, if I hoped hard enough it would not be true. When that man raped me, I had hoped that I would be given an end to it and... and that's when I saw the blade. Absolution. I thought that it would happen here but it didn't. I couldn't save him."

She cried then, softly and clung to Chakwas, her uninjured hand gripping her shirt as if she was never going to let the doctor go. Chakwas let her cry, knowing that it was among the best healing methods in the world. When she finally quieted down, she ran her hand over Riana's short hair – thinking that the girl had to let it grow again and whispered softly.

"Sometimes you cannot save people from death – but you can give them comfort. And hope, and companionship in their final moments. You cannot save their bodies but you can save their souls."

Riana lay quiet for several minutes until she finally sighed and looked up at the older woman.

"This won't happen again," she said softly. "Next time... Next time I'll be the one to die. And I will save everybody. I won't let this happen again. I will save as many as I can. Not just their souls but their lives. I won't be the only one left. Not again. Not me."

888

_To Be Continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**1**

"You were right you know."

Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas looked up from her omni-tool and gave the woman sitting on the examination bed a brief smile.

"Something everybody learns at some point in their lives Commander," she pointed out, "is that I'm always correct. So, perhaps you can tell me to which occasion you are referring to?"

Commander Riana Shepard smiled at her. It was an open smile, with amusement dancing in her green eyes. She was beautiful woman, her features accentuated by the depth of emotion that she showed. In past few years that she had been serving with Anderson she had let her hair grow to just above her cheeks. It wasn't the long braid she had when she was younger but it made her face softer than her crew cut had. Her smile didn't use to come as easily but in the past few weeks it was as if something had gone in her, as if surviving the attack on Sovereign had purged her of the weight that chained her.

This woman had faced her darkest hour, the darkest hour she would ever experience – and made it.

"Mindoir," Shepard said simply, her eyes still smiling when she saw the look of surprise cross the doctor's features. "And Akuze."

Sitting back in her chair a little, Chakwas gave Shepard a curious look. "You don't bring that up often," she pointed out. "Is everything alright Commander?"

Again Shepard smiled at her, that genuine look of amusement dancing in her green eyes. She wasn't her commander now as she sat in front of her but a woman talking to a good acquaintance from her past. Chakwas wondered what had brought on this chain of thought.

"Yes Doctor," she said. "I've just been... Thinking. And, I thought to tell you that you were right. That time heals."

Despite herself, Chakwas barked a laugh even as her throat tightened in tears. To hide them, she stood up and went to infirmary door to lock it, realizing that neither she nor the commander would want anybody listening in on this conversation. When she came back to the bed she had regained some semblance of control and went to sit on the one just opposite the commanders so that she could face her.

"I didn't think I'll ever hear you say those words," she said honestly, watching Riana's face carefully for any emotion.

She was smiling, thought her eyes grew sad as she reflected on things past. "I didn't either," she admitted. "I was... very angry after Akuze. You know this." She paused. "I wondered why Anderson took me into his crew, did you have anything to do with it?"

Chakwas smiled sadly, shrugging as she looked through the one way observation window that allowed her to see what was going on outside her infirmary. "I might've suggested it," she admitted. "But he wanted you anyway Riana. Like me, he saw something in you that day and we knew that if we let it pass, if we just let you pass through the system to another ship and another commander, that didn't know how to look for that, then it would've gone lost and so would you." She hesitated. "I didn't tell you this till now because I thought that you would be angry."

Riana laughed and shrugged. "I would've been," she confessed. "I was so scared that people might treat me differently or the military might let me go that I drove myself..." She paused and shrugged again, looking up to smile at Dr. Chakwas, her green eyes alight with emotion. "But, it worked out. And I learned things that – if I had not known them, I would not have led this crew to defeat Saren. You were right Doctor. I became a better person for my suffering and if you had not told me to hold on then I would not have seen it or made it. Everybody here says that they owe me their lives but the truth is that they owe you. Because, without you – I would not have been here."

The tears were back, scratching behind her eyes as she struggled to keep her physician's calm in place. Riana saw this and, with a look of deep compassion, hopped off of the bed and gently wrapped her arms around the older woman.

"Thank you Doctor," she whispered as she drew the woman into her arms. "I owe you my life."

She didn't sob or cry desperately as she held onto the young woman, but she allowed tears to freely flow down her cheeks, knowing that she had seen enough of Riana's to merit it.

"It was all you Riana," she whispered as she hugged the young woman. "Trust me."

Riana laughed and drew back when she felt Chakwas let go of her. "I will now," she said. "Because I know you're always right."

Chakwas chuckled and wiped away her tears as Riana hopped onto the bed next to her. Together they both stared at the wall of the infirmary and for a few moments, the world felt utterly at peace.

"What made you bring this up today?" Chakwas asked finally and carefully rested a hand on Riana's knee. She was pleased to see that the woman didn't flinch as she used to before and instead, Riana shifted so that she could put her hand behind Elizabeth's back. She remained quiet for a bit, mulling over her answering, deciding what she should say.

"When one... bonds with the asari," she said carefully, her tone becoming a little bit more insecure and embarrassed as she referred to her relationship with Dr. Liara T'Soni. "It's not just a physical thing. It's not just about the sex. It's..." Her cheeks were crimson. "It's a complete meld of body and mind. When we are together we... exchange things. Emotions, memories. I 'remember' seeing her walk with her mother in the garden and she... she got these memories." The regret in her voice was unmistakable as the exchange hardly seemed fair. "Yet, when they surfaced I realized that they do not hurt as much as they did. Yes, they are a part of me. But, they don't hurt anymore. I don't wake up screaming, I haven't in a while. I've just been too busy to notice."

Chakwas turned these words over in her mind, unsure of what to think of the Commander's relationship with the Asari archaeologist. It wasn't such a big surprise for her as it had been for some of the other crew members. She was glad that Riana could find love, regardless of which specie she chose. She was sad that it wasn't a conventional relationship but then the commander had had an unconventional past.

"I didn't know that it was a mental bond as well," she said. "Is it... I mean..." She didn't know what to ask, embarrassed and curious suddenly.

Riana laughed freely and quite suddenly Chakwas realized that it was ever since she started seeing Liara that it happened so often. Shepard was happy, happier than she had been in a long time and it was all thanks to this young alien.

"Weird?" she queried. "Strange?" Riana chuckled. "Yes, it is. But, it's also wonderful. You are with a person... completely. I can understand why Liara took so long to bond with someone because it's frightening and it's wonderful and..." She trailed off as she blushed again. "It just is. I can feel her, always. I know she's hovering outside the infirmary now because she's worried that it's taking so long. I don't feel alone anymore... It's wonderful."

Again, they sat in a companionable silence. Chakwas patted the young woman's knee, thinking briefly that she would not have minded to have a daughter like her.

"I am glad that you have found happiness Shepard," she said. "Amidst all of this."

Shepard smiled at her and briefly patted her back, her eyes mischievous as she jumped off of the bed.

"I have to go before Liara walks a hole in the floor," she pointed out. "Joker would shoot her through the airlock. I presume I'm fit for duty?"

The doctor smiled as she nodded, getting off of the bed herself.

"Naturally Commander," she said. "I don't think anything short of death would make you unfit for duty."

The red headed woman laughed as she headed for the infirmary door and unlocked it.

"Thank you Doctor," she said and opened it. "I'll see you later."

Chakwas smiled at her and went back to her desk. "I'm counting on it Commander," she said when she saw Liara step into view. The asari didn't touch Shepard, didn't approach her immediately but Elizabeth could see her critical eyes giving Shepard a once over. Then, she seemed to relax and smiled at the commander.

"Oh, and one last thing Commander," Chakwas said quickly before the two of them would disappear for the end of the Commander's shift.

Riana Shepard turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" she queried. "What is it Doctor?"

Chakwas smiled and crossed her arms, grinning mischievously as she said:

"I told you so."

888

She of all people should've known that life could change in an instant, that it was so fragile and so delicate that it could be torn apart in an instant. But, for all her knowledge, she had never expected _this_.

It was Garrus who saved her.

Dr. Elizabeth Chakwas was coming back from the command centre and didn't even hear the alarms before the first blast hit the Normandy. She had been on ships her whole life and reputedly had the best 'sea legs' around but she was thrown off of her feet and into the mess hall table. She hit her head hard and spent several minutes on the floor dazed as the hull cracked around her and people screamed as fire erupted from the consoles. She was vaguely aware of the evacuation claxons blaring and started to push herself up when strong hands grabbed her and pulled her to her feet.

"Dr. Chakwas can you run?" She heard the Turian yell at her. She wanted desperately to say yes but instead found her knees buckling and her world turning as she tried to find her feet. Without waiting for her reply, Garrus picked her up and carried her through the dark and chaos filled hallways.

Garrus stepped into one of the pods and carefully sat her down in the chair. Without saying anything else, he was gone, leaving her to fumble with the chair straps, her gaze fixed on the red cross of the first aid kit.

"Dear God," she found herself praying as she heard more of the crew scream just outside the pod as an explosion tore through the hallway. "Dear God, save us... Please..."

There was a popping sound as the first of the pods started being ejected. Hers was hardly full yet, so that they had to wait. She heard Gunnery Chief Williams shout at more of the crew to come to the pods and then seconds later she heard her ask in a panicked voice:

"Where's Commander Shepard?"

It was Liara's voice who joined them, tight with fear. "She's gone to get Joker," she said. "She said we should get our people out of here. I... I couldn't..."

"Get in the pod!" Ashley snapped. "Now Liara, she'll get him out!"

There was a brief pause and then Dr. Liara T'soni stepped into the pod, choosing a seat by the door so that she could look at the rest of the crew coming towards them. Chakwas looked at her and even though she could not see her face, as it was obscured by her helmet, she could sense the asari's fear for her lover.

It was not surprising that the last people to join them were Shepard's personal crew. Wrex carrying Tali who had a severe suit tear and seemed barely conscious, Garrus who had another young crew member in his arms and finally Ashley Williams. She was the one to close the pod and, with a brief look of utter distraught, slammed the release button that shot them into space. Away from their ship and away from the Commander that they were all willing to die for.

Things became strangely serene for a few seconds. Liara took off her helmet and stared at the pod door, her lips thin and her eyes distant and slightly dilated. Chakwas wondered if she was reaching out to Shepard and then wondered if that was even possible.

_My head hurts._

The radio link cracked to life without warning. Ashley leapt to it but before she could say anything Joker's voice screamed over the communication's link.

"_Shepard!" _

Liara froze, her eyes going wild as Joker screamed again:

"SHEPARD! NO! SHEPARD!"

A moment, a heartbeat, an eternity passed and then Liara screamed too, bending over as she clutched her head.

It was a primal sound that chilled Chakwas to the bone. Her eyes were wide and dark and a faint blue glow sprang up around her as she reached to her biotics.

"Oh God," Ashley whispered, frozen by Joker's voice as he too continued to shout their Commander's name over the radio. Chakwas suspected that he didn't even know that it was on. Her heart was beating wildly, painfully in her chest but she found herself moving, loosening her straps so that she could grab the asari as she too tore herself from her seat. Her scream did not die as she made a lunge for the door.

"SOMEBODY STOP HER!" Chakwas yelled and pulled the distraught asari back. "Garrus! The first-aid kit!"

She could deal with a panic attack, she could focus on calming Liara down. What she could not focus on was the way Joker suddenly stopped shouting and rather started sobbing loudly, as if every fragile bone in his body had been broken and he had no hope of ever recovering.

Garrus didn't reach for the first aid kit, instead lunging for Liara and taking her from Chakwas's grip. The doctor all but leapt to the container on the wall from which she withdrew a small phial and a syringe. It was rudimentary, but it would have to do.

The asari was still screaming, her body starting to spasm as the blue light around her grew.

"She... She's going to tear this pod apart!" Ashley said frightened. "Doctor?"

"Ready!" She hoped that she had measured out the correct dose but she knew that there was no time to speculate and quickly hunched on the floor beside the turian and the asari. Grabbing Liara's collar she plunged the needle into the asari's neck and pushed the plunger home.

The blue light died almost immediately and the asari's screams turned to sobs as she stared at the roof, unseeing, her eyes like deep pools of madness.

"No," she whispered. "Not you, not now. No. No Shepard. No. No, Goddess please... not her. Please... Goddess... No. Give her back to me..." She broke down into sobs, her words becoming unintelligible as the sedative's hold on her strengthened.

Shaking, Chakwas pulled her from Garrus's hold and cradled the young asari in her lap. Her vision blurred without warning but it didn't last as she blinked, letting the tears trail down her cheeks. Joker's sobs were still loud and clear over the microphone and soon, Ashley Williams started crying as well, screaming silently as she pressed her hands over her face so that none of her fellow crew members could see her anguish.

Wrex continued to hold onto Tali, who had lost consciousness and Garrus remained hovering over her, his reptilian face bowed in grief.

"Guys," Joker's voice broke as he came back. "Guys... Shepard... She... She got spaced. She's gone. I... I couldn't... She's gone."

Liara, now a breath away from losing consciousness, sobbed one last time before she went slack, mercifully slipping into sleep where she could be spared, if only briefly, the pain of her lover's death.

Both Garrus and Wrex whispered prayers of their own culture but Chakwas hardly heard them, the voice of the young commander ringing in her memory.

"_Next time I'll be the one to die,"_ she had said. _"And I will save everybody. I won't let this happen again. I will save as many as I can. Not just their souls but their lives. I won't be the only one left. Not again. Not me." _

_Oh Shepard... Why couldn't you have been wrong? _

_The End... Perhaps..._

_AN: I'm not in the habit of finishing stories quickly, but as said this is a short one. :) I like so many others have fallen in love with the Mass Effect Universe. I can't really afford (time wise) to start more stories, but I suspect that if you deem these worthy, I'm going to do more in the ME universe. For those who have reviewed, thank you. And, for Bioware in their absence, MWAH! This game rocks._

_UPDATE: 15/07/2011 - This story now has a sequel. You can find it in my profile under Three: After the End._

_Thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated. Game on people. _

_Alyssa_


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